Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
