She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
