I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
