new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
