just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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