i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
