Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
