I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
As shirtless as possible
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
