I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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