First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
