and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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