is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
