Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
