Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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