I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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