last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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