I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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