we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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