I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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