You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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