dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
