I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
