so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Randomize
