Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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