I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
babies were throwing up all over the place
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
