I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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