remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
