HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
