Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
