I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
