We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
