Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
