It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
