I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
