but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
