Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
