Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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