apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
