I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
