shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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