from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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