two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
