my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
