super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When are your genitals available?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
