Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
