apparently the secret to your success is patron
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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