we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
