my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The air taste purple.
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