I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
