So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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