I didn't shave. On purpose
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
