The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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