Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize