She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
