My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
