I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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