you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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