Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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