girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
