You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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