you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
