you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
