Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We left an ass print on the piano.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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