we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
