Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
