im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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