Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
