i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
