I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
