I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
