walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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