Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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