So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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