Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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