he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
