FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
