while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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