he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
