We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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