Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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