this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
