No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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