Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
