please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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