I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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