Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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