She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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