This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
