Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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