Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
