she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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