i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
