I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
