Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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