Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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